Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
