So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
