Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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