my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
