I think I died a long time ago.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
