Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize