I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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