Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Operation Purity has been aborted
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
