So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
