She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
