First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
