i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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