You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
