My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Houston, we have a blender
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
