oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
