So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sober January is a disaster.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
