I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
