Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
