i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
