My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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