they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
