Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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