Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
