Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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