we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
