I got chris browned last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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