My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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