Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
