Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
