I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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