Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
