For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
