i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
