right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He passed out mid-signature
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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