also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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