i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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