Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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