They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
