STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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