just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
