We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize