She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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