I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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