Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
