puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
