I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
