he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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