I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
