Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's like heaven, but drunker
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
