I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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