he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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