you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
