He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
