ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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