Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
