Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
