just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
