Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
