i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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