you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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