Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
