Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
