and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
