he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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