Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
