You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
