Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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