So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
