I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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