I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
