Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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