He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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