Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
