you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize