What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
