remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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