thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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