her vagine was all disorganized.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
