Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
