I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
