He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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