You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
